I'm hanging by a thread, but at least the end of this chaotic schedule is near. In the meantime, if anybody has advice on sleep issues, I'm all ears:
My kids are exhausted when they get home from school. They desperately need to nap, but they are vehemently opposed to anything that even begins to resemble quiet time. My choices appear to be:
a. Try to enforce "quiet time" by putting them in their room, or in separate rooms only to have them scream bloody murder for an hour or more.
b. Try to force naps by lying with them and reading books to them. Typically one child will listen to whatever story I'm reading while the other whines, fights and runs amok. Eventually everything deteriorates into chaos and leaves all three of us grumpy and exhausted.
c. Let them "play" which lately involves them fighting and screaming at one another, and then try to enforce an earlier bedtime which they fight with every ounce of willpower they have. (This also means that they will *never* see their father during the week.)
d. Let them watch television, which seems to be the only activity that they are able to do together without fighting or melting down. However, if I choose this option, I must accept the complete meltdown that will occur when the television eventually has to go off. (My rule in the past has generally been that they may not watch television on school days because it becomes an OBSESSION!)
I have also tried taking them out (to a park or on an adventure) which just results in public meltdowns; organizing quiet activities (art projects, table toys, etc.) which results in frustration, whining, and temper tantrums; massages which either whip them into a frenzy because they "tickle", or elicit the command "don't touch my body". I am at a complete loss for what more I can do.
Bedtime has been a nightmare because they're so overtired. Tonight Izzie screamed and cried for an hour because her favourite pajamas are in the wash. She finally fell asleep, but two and a half hours after we went through the bedtime routine, Elijah is still wide awake and saying that he's "scared of the rain". If I lie down with him, he tells me I'm hurting him (*any* touch "hurts him"). If I stay in the room quietly, he yells at me for "staring at him". If I leave, he follows me. I cannot win. I have tried everything I can think of, and I do not have the reserves to deal with this every single night. It has been four years, and it's getting worse!
It is driving me crazy that the only time I can spend with my kids is wrought with exasperation, frustration, and fighting. I am so drained, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Something's gotta give!
Jon takes his exams next week. I can only hope that things begin to find a new equilibrium once he's able to be around more.
3 comments:
So sorry to hear you are still struggling. I wish I had some magic solutions but I don't. I can tell you that we have been having similar issues, and I also blame a rigorous schedule. I have other friends locally who are also dealing with the same stuff. My four-year-old is in school every morning five days a week. She has to wake up early and has to be around 20 other four year olds. Both are stressful and hard and totally new for her. She behaves great at school, but melts down when she gets home. She also falls apart with the slightest change in her routine (like yesterday when her regular swim teacher wasn't there) and when we are trying to transition from one thing to another. She doesn't want to sleep, and then when she does, she doesn't want to wake up. We have had some success by bringing back some early attachment stuff - basically treating her like she is a newly adopted kid again with lots of structure and using attachment building techniques. It hasn't made the problem go away but it has definitely helped. We are also eliminating all non-essentials from our schedule (like swimming lessons) and are trying to keep her home with a parent rather than drag her along to her siblings' stuff. It's still hard, and when things fall out of the structure/routine we have set up she breaks down again. I think time is going to be the big key here. Best wishes, and please keep us posted on what does and does not end up working.
no sleep means no happiness. i'm sorry it's been so rough. have you tried audio books? i don't know if this will work for your kids or not, but my kids enjoy them. when my kids outgrew naps, they HAD to have an hour of quiet time in their rooms. the first week i enforced it was always rough, but they came to expect it and enjoy it. we used audio books to help them be entertained in their rooms but also help them rest. they could play quietly with a toy or lie on their beds. our library is chock-full of stories on cd. try it for a few days. see if down time could include being quiet in their room while listening to books. tv is a great distraction, but not a good "rest" activity. but i understand desperation! oh hell, yes! are your kids introverted or extroverted? knowing that might help you determine what each one needs to rest. i'm not offering a lot of help. i just hope it gets better.
Oh goodness...it's been quite a time for all of us. I, too, am sorry this has been all on you. This seems super simple, but I'd say that as soon as Jon can, he must resume this night time parenting piece - because YOU need a break and YOU need some support. Honestly, I'm not as much focused on the kids as I am on YOU getting a promise from Jon to do this piece of the work, to do it well, to do it with gentle and loving comittment to the kids...and for you to just check out (I know this is going to be hard for you - because I think you feel necessary to the whole routine - but I think you have to trust Jon's way to work it out and manage it).
That is my advice - gosh, I'm sort of telling you to pass it off. Yeah. I am.
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