This week has been rough. The kids have been getting on my last nerve, and it's all I can do to just get through the days with them. Ugh!
Revisiting this post from a few weeks back, after lots of observation in a number of different circumstances and after having several conversations with individuals who see the twins in different contexts, I think that it's pretty likely that my child has ADHD. This child simply cannot self-calm, and violently opposes any calming techniques that others attempt with them. There is constant activity, constant talking, constant noise making, constant energy. Just making it through the days is absolutely exhausting for me, and then this child has a really, really, really difficult time going to sleep at night.
For a long time, I had been thinking that it was just me. My interpretation of this child. My own "stuff" that I'm projecting onto my child that's been physically and emotionally wiping me out. But as I've talked to other people who know my kids, they see these things too. My child is the hardest one to manage in gymnastics class. My child is the last to follow instructions at school and the last to join the group for quieter activities. It's begun to cause problems socially, as the other kids are forced to wait while my child "gets it together". When I question my child about it, the response is "well, you see, everyone's always telling me to stand in a straight line, not a curvy line, or look over here, or stop talking. I don't want to do that."
It's not a question of intelligence. This kid is super smart and understands things on levels that even I sometimes don't. It's not so much that my child isn't paying attention. Moreso that s/he's paying attention to every single minute detail and stimulus that can possibly be perceived. This kid notices *everything* (and needs to talk about *everything* s/he notices).
I have been feeling really powerless lately because I want so desperately to help this child find balance and peace, but I have no idea where to begin. I didn't start writing this as a means to complain, but I would *love* advice from anyone out there who may be experiencing / has experienced something similar. Nothing's official at this point, but even if it were, I'm not sure how that would change anything. I don't really like labels, though I do understand the need for them as it relates to obtaining specialized services, and I *definitely* don't like the over-reliance on medications to solve all "problems". I really just want ideas on how I can help this child harness the energy and channel it into more positive endeavours. Well, that, and a little bit of quiet time!
8 comments:
just wanting you to know that you're a GREAT mom with a lot of insight and some really fabulous understanding(s) of your children. I know you'll find your way through this with resources at hand and with your tenacious mom advocacy too. For the record, Mark has a lot of experience with helping parents consider how to best evaluate kids - he might be worth an ear bend one of these nights? You know, pull a Stacy, make a phone call!
ohhh goodness can i relate (except my crashes hard at bedtime -for that i am grateful). i am constantly finding myself pulled in one direction or another regarding diagnosing/labeling etc. on one hand i want her to get the help she needs and on the other i don't want her pegged in a hole that is impossible to get out of. and NO it's absolutely not about intelligency or naughtiness. nope. (although for mine, it is sometiemes about naughtiness) but the weariness of having to control and attend to EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME gets to her (and me). one book that has helped me understand and offered concrete ideas of helping regulate (actually 2 books) are The Out of Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child has fun. the out of sync child has fun book has tons of activity ideas that are playing, but also therapeutic. and HELPFUL!!! doesn't take away from the the momma exhaustion but does have an impact on kid regulation. this is sooo long. lets talk sometime
unfortunately, our world does give kids labels, but that doesn't need to stop you from getting a diagnosis or finding an umbrella under which your child fits. because with "labels" comes a wealth of information and resources and therapy and help. i second m and m, that you're a great mom and you'll be a fantastic advocate for your child. start with some internet searches--not to freak yourself out but to get information. then pursue the library, books, therapy options, school choices, etc. don't be afraid. you can do this.
I don't have any helpful advice, but I just wanted to give you a cyber hug and tell you to hang in there. You are a resourceful woman and mother, and you WILL figure this out for the benefit of your whole family--it may not happen quickly, but I do think you'll get to a much better place.
a couple other things. 1. i think that you are doing wonderfully raising two kids, the same ages, with such different and uniquely challenging personalities! 2. i was told that it's likely that my girl will be dx'd with adhd at some point. for now they are just callign it Sensory Processing Disorder, sensory seeking. What helps about having a dx is that it gives a platform from which to dive from when parenting the kid, and it helps give you appropriate tools to give the kid to navigage life. I mean, knowing what I know ... I purpossfully parent as much as possible from a spd perspective. It's not just self preservation that i take my "borderline gonna flip" kid out on a car drive where she can feel the pressure of the carseat buckle pushing on her shoulders and chest, where she can chew gum (the gum REALLY calms her), there's a reason she likes latex gloves etc etc. it all starts to click. it doesnt' "cure" anything to have a dx but it provides a little feeling of sanity amidst the exhaustion. please jayme buy my neighbors house. your lil mover can come here and swing from our handrings and stretch those shoulder joints ... we can drink together. it'll be good.
Jayme, knowing you as I do through this screen, I have no doubt that you will tirelessly advocate for your child and I will be back here in awe of all that you have done for them. Know that I will be thinking of you all the while.
One of my littles has SPD. OT has helped us help her and given her tools to self-regulate. I totally understand the "label" issues. We have fought (beyond advocating) hard to get her the resources she needs and it is at times exhausting. I second the recommendation for the book Out of Sync Child.
I have no ideas, none. Funny, Tsega was this way when he was younger. At one point we thought he might even be hovering towards autism! He just had this strange stimulation filter, but it's hard to describe. And like he could/can't ever just sit with an activity; he's always looking around for something else. Actually, this has changed and he does much better since starting school and there are no "A" fears no more. Sorry, like I said, I have zero ideas, except it's nice your babe is so smart, but of course you will have to be ever watchful that he gets treated right at school so that his talents fly . . .
Are your twins ever separated in their activites (school, gymnastics)? Just a thought . . . my babes all suffer tremendously from ADHD when together. Grrrr! :)
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