One of my children is an academic superstar. At 3.5 years old, this child voluntarily practices reading and writing letters at every possible opportunity, and is beginning to read some words.
At first, I thought that my other child's reluctance to work on anything involving letters was simply due to interest in other activities. No big deal. But now I'm beginning to think it's something more. It's not just disinterest. This child really doesn't understand. (And why would anyone want to engage in activities that they don't understand? It's a huge blow to self-confidence -- especially when your twin gets it so easily.) If it were just the letters, I wouldn't think it was such a big deal, but it goes deeper than that.
I try really really hard not to compare my children to one another (or to other kids). I want them to be who they are, unencumbered by what others think they should be. But I also want to make sure that I address potential problems in ways that don't impact their self-esteem and long term social-emotional well being. And I think that this is starting to have a negative impact.
The child in question has enormous talents in other aspects of life. I want nothing more than for both of my children to be happy, healthy, well adjusted people who pursue the things that they love most in the world. But I fear that the difficulties this child is having with respect to letters are impacting other things as well.
It's difficult since my kids are the same age, and whenever we're working on literacy at home, the one who loves it desperately wants to be yelling out all the answers, and the one who struggles is constantly looking to the letter lover for answers. Separating them rarely works, as the one who's "left out" feels sad (which prompts acting out), and the one who's getting the attention complains that it isn't fair that the other kid gets to play. I can't win!
I've talked with the twins' teacher, who is planning to observe the level of understanding my child has within a small group setting. We'll reconvene in a couple of weeks to talk about her insights. At home, I'm planning to continue working with both kids using fun, literacy focused games. I don't want either of my kids to feel pressured, but I do want them to try learning in lots of different ways, and also to equate learning with fun.
If any of you have experience with children of varying academic abilities, I'd be really grateful to hear your thoughts on how to handle teaching them.
4 comments:
i have a lot to say about this, and there's no way i can fit it into a blog comment. however, i hope you beging to see your child's challenges as a blessing in your life, because nothing has make me bond more with my learning diabled kiddo than their learning disablilty. not to say your kid has a learning disability--but if you have a child that does not naturally excell at learning, then you've got yourself a chance to really connect with them, learn what makes them tick, help them succeed, and comfort them when they are frustrated. you get the opportunity to raise a child who bucks the system and grows up looking for ways to find their place in the world, which is such a gift. hands down the thing you most want to avoid is comparing your kid to others. i used to think i had a handle on this, but it still rears its ugly head and i have to keep working on keeping my cool when other moms/dads brag about "how easy" math is for little billy. or "how quickly" johnny learned a new language. had i not had the perspective of a child that learns in a very different way, i would just assume that kids who didn't do as well at school weren't trying hard enough. so... not... the... case.
Well, from what I see and read on your blog, both kids are way ahead.
In fact sometimes it is painful for me to read blogs like yours and realize that my 3.5 year olds are so behind. Yeah, I know, don't compare, but my kids have diagnosed delays right now and it's hard not to worry. It's hard not to worry when I see 1-2 year olds talking to my boys and they just smile and say nothing (although T is growing pretty verbal these days). I'm very grateful for the head start program we have . . . the changes have been enormous.
That said (such a cliche), my T is incredibly smart yet he has almost no interest in puzzles, blocks, letters, or even books. He's off wondering the house when I read to the babes and gets really frustrated so easily with puzzles and things like building train tracks or magna-tiles. So funny cuz I always ask his bros to help him; pretty cute to see him ask one for help. I see that his lack of interest/experience with toys and such has hindered his problem solving development (yet nobody can figure out a lock or remember a song or dance faster than him!). Yet he is excelling right now in language (finally), understanding of things, and I could go on . . .
It just really comes down to a matter of interest so I never push anything. I only push what the boys like. Bereket & Sira love letters and building, so I gear toys and activities their way . . . T loves . . . well, me, and dancing, and dressing up, and telling stories, and pets, so he keeps himself busy. He's a flitter :).
They're only 3. There's no rush yet I am very big into identifying problems and getting good help early. Honestly, I think your babe is probably a very normal 3 year old. Most can't read or write yet and most probably couldn't care less at that age, silly goose. :) Perhaps the bar is set a little high in sweet mama's head??? OK, I know, that's probably what I shoud be doing too . . . expect the best and always believe in your child, words to live by . . .
Also, I think there is something to be said about gender. It's perfectly natural that there are learning differences between the two.
I will eat my words if your babe turns out to actually have learning problems or delays or whatever, cuz I just don't believe it!
I wish I could put into words exactly what my concerns are. It's not a question of intelligence, more an issue with how this child processes information (particularly symbols). It isn't just with letters, (though that seems to be the most easily identified), but there seems to be a general lack of confidence when trying certain new things, and a very low tolerance for frustration.
My concern stems from my background both in early childhood education, and also in social work. I know that bright children can sometimes mask learning difficulties with other behaviours, and there are other indications that lead me to wonder if that's what my child is doing. (This child generally has a harder time "slowing down", etc.)
Again, it's not so much that I'm worried about either one of my children being able to succeed. I'm of the opinion that *everyone* learns differently and I feel like it's my job to make sure I understand *how* each of my kids learns best so that I can help support them.
And I'm really the most concerned about the social-emotional effects of comparisons that the twins make among one another on their own.
Anyway, thanks for your thoughts. I definitely appreciate the input!
i have to second cindy... i got so caught up in talking about myself that i forgot to add that at this age you're probably dealing with a child that just doesn't care. and how many 3 year olds should care about letters? when zinabu started kindergarten he could not hold a pencil or color or identify all his capital letters. because he didnt' care. he's perfectly fine now and doing absolutely great... so let time do its great work and watch your kiddo most likely catch up and be a-ok. (not to diminish your concerns, because you know your children best... but you still have lots of time in front of you!)
please shut me up now.
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