I have been having an incredibly tough past couple of months. For a variety of reasons, I am no longer in contact with anyone from my family, and while that decision is absolutely necessary, it breaks my heart that my family won't be around to celebrate the holidays with the twins.
My mom loved the holidays. Christmas was her favourite time of year, and she truly went all out, baking cookies, making fudge, and decorating every single inch of the house. She had a Snow Village collection that was legendary, and spent weeks creating vignettes in different rooms of the house. There was a town square, a mountain scene complete with animated skiers and ice skaters, and even a coke themed scene in our coke themed basement. (I told you she went all out!)
Growing up, she made sure that the holidays were magical times for me and the rest of our family. I never used to understand why so many people were sad during the holiday season.
Well now, I get it.
It is unbelievably difficult for me to be around happy families right now. Witnessing those sweet moments of family closeness just amplifies how much I miss my mom. It hasn't gotten easier. In fact, this is shaping up to be the hardest Christmas yet since her death.
I'm trying really hard not to overcompensate with the twins. I feel like I want to give them the world, even though rationally I understand that nothing I can buy will ever make up for all they've lost.
My husband and I have been talking a lot about traditions and the need for us to create our own in the hopes that one day the kids will want to continue them within their own families.
I recently heard of a really nice gift giving tradition. I tweaked it slightly, and I think in future years, we'll adhere to this philosophy:
Each person will recieve 5 individual gifts:
something they want
something they need
something to wear
something to read
and something handmade
In addition, the kids will recieve one larger shared gift, and Jon and I will choose something for our whole family to enjoy.
Finally, we will contribute in some way to making the world a better place. We may donate money, clothing, books, etc. or perhaps we'll give our time. Each year around Thanksgiving, we will decide how to give back.
I'm not a very traditional person, but strangely, I do love traditions. If anyone out there has any family traditions that they'd be willing to share, I'd love to hear them!
4 comments:
I'm really sorry to hear about your extended family situation. I totally understand how in some cases cutting off contact can be the best (only?) choice for you and your children. Though it's a hard decision to make, I'm sure you made the right choice.
I love your gift-giving idea. I see some families spending THOUSANDS on presents and it all seems so sad and unnecessary to me. Rich and I have been throwing around the idea of 3 gifts (for the 3 wise men) along with a family gift or 4 gifts (want, need, wear, read) along with a family present for each child. It's refreshing to see another family on the same page.
blessings,
Emily
Great ideas on the gift giving; thanks for sharing!
The only "gift-giving" tradition in our family is that we each receive a new pair of pajamas on Christmas Eve, so that we are very spiffy on Christmas morning (and set for the new year sleepwear :) ). I also like Mama Papaya's 12 Books of Christmas idea.
I will be thinking of you this Christmas and wishing you peace.
I will never forget that snow village, or my mom's attempts to recreate the enormity and extravagance of your mom's snow village.
I think something you said to me once, about my own family and making the choice... but sometimes we have to create our own family. And while it can be sad, can also be rewarding.
Also, love the gift-giving idea!
We are doing away with presents altogether. It is a hard tradition to let go of (for me) because gift giving is so much what Christmas is in America.
Since Tesfaye, and now Bereket, don't know Santa Claus nor have they experienced the gift exchange as part of the holiday, Christmas without gifts is what they are used to. We have decided that birthdays are the time to celebrate the person and if a gift is in order then this is the time to give it.
I want Makena to know the holiday spirit aside from the material exchanges. We are going to celebrate the season and participate in events and activities in our home and community. We are also focusing on the giving aspect through handmade items and service.
The Christmas season is such a heart-warming time of year that I don't want stress and shopping to cloud that. Kalin and I laugh because really we feel like we are just running errands for each other then wrapping the items we already know we are going to receive. There isn't much meaning in that.
My dad used to say we have Christmas every day in terms of having everything we need and want. Christmas is the time of year to focus on what is important - celebrating the "reason for the season" and loving friends and family (the ones we live with under our roof in both of our cases).
I know the emptiness that is for your this time of year. I share that with you. I want so much for our families to come together and be the extended family that we all need.
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