broken

So, two days before I'm set to begin my 30 days of nothing, things start breaking.

We finally bought a wireless router. Silly me, I thought I'd be able to set it up myself. Big mistake. Now I have zero internet access via my real computer. One day I might try calling tech support, but as I've somehow screwed up the actual computer, I am *not* confident in their ability to help me. All of the auto-correcting programs on my computer keep telling me to talk to the person who set up my "network". Ahem... that would be me. oy vey!

The upside to having limited internet access: lack of ability to shop online!

The day after Christmas, the glass globe covering the lightbulbs in the twins' newly installed ceiling fan came crashing down and shattered in the middle of the night. Scary, but luckily nobody was hurt, and Elijah had the good sense to call us from his bed to tell us that there was a problem.

Yesterday the zipper on my winter coat broke. It's an old coat. Like, ten years old. Maybe older. I've been talking about getting a new one for at least three years. Now I will be living through the coldest part of a Chicago winter in a coat that doesn't zip. Should be fun. Then again, there are lots of people who have *no* coats. There's always a silver lining...

As each of these things has happened, I've taken a moment to consider how easy it would be to hastily spend money on a solution. Instead, I will be making due with what I do have instead of focusing on what's wrong / broken / not what I want it to be, and re-evaluating my "needs" come February.

kids are funny

I need to write down some of the hilarious conversations I've had / witnessed in the past few days:

Yesterday I made a new mix cd. This is what happened when I put it on in the car:

I: what is this noise?
me: uhm... music?!?
I: Are you sure you want to have this on?

We met some friends for dinner at Ethiopian Diamond. E was getting restless, so someone gave him a dime to play with. He immediately told me that he needed to give it to someone who doesn't have enough. He got up, went to the next table and the following conversation ensued:

E: Hi, do you have a house?
Man: Yes, I do.
E: (turning to the woman at the table) Well, do you have a house?
Woman: (laughing) Yes, I have a house too.
Man: How about you? Do you have a house?
E: Oh yes. Actually, no, I don't have a house. I just only have five works.
Man: Wow! Five Jobs? You must have a lot of money then!
E: Yep. Here you go. (And he gives the man his dime and comes to sit back down)

Then there was this:

E: If you want to talk to me, you have to call me "Conductor Elijah"
K: (later) Hey Elijah
E: (incredulously) What did you call me?

This morning I asked the kids what they dreamed about last night:
I: I dreamed about monsters!!!
E: New York City said they're takin' away all the cars that don't look like ours.

gearing up for 30 days of nothing

I committed to doing this challenge nearly a month ago, and now that the beginning is quickly approaching, I'm feeling the panic setting in. Already there are obstacles and temptations and questions about what constitutes need. This is going to be tough.

Challenge #1: my friend, who I went to visit in Costa Rica in May, is coming home. There is a big Welcome Home party being organized for her, and it's being held at a restaurant where we will be expected to contribute to the cost. I don't want to miss it, but I also have no idea how to navigate that situation.

Other things I've been thinking about:
1. I don't yet have a 2010 calendar. I generally buy them in January, when they're 75% or more off. By February, I doubt there will be any left, and I can't imagine going an entire year without one (though I suppose I could make my own). So my choice is either to buy one now at full price, or risk not having (a professionally made) one at all...
2. Does train fare and/or parking meter money count as a luxury or a necessity?

Christmas 2009

We had a really great Christmas, and hope you did too!

The Holiday El Train

The Tree

Decorating the Gingerbread House

Chillaxing

Christmas Eve Dinner

Our Friends / Family M, J & K came all the way from "ho-hi-oh" to spend Christmas with us! We had *so* much fun!

The day after Christmas, we met up with a bunch of my mom's best friends. It was very cool to see three generations, who are now living in several different states all together again!

privatization

Warning: Heavy...

"There comes a time in some relationships when no matter how sincere the attempt to reconcile the differences or how strong the wish to recreate a part of the past once shared, the struggle becomes so painful that nothing else is felt and the world and all its beauty only add to the discomfort by providing cruel contrast"

It's no secret that my relationship with my family of origin has been a source of tension and stress ever since my mother died. She was the glue that held everyone together, and without her, everyone else has just been drifting directionless. I have had absolutely no contact with my father for over a year and a half. With my sister, the contact has been sporadic at best, with her contacting me primarily when she is in crisis mode. It's not healthy, and it's been tearing me apart.

Recently I had to make the decision to sever ties with her as well. It was an incredibly hard decision to make, but I honestly can see no other (healthy) way. That is, primarily, why this blog has gone private.

I've been thinking a lot about adoption and identity issues in recent years. My sister is adopted, and I've had the opportunity to see what that has meant for her over the years, as she's struggled to define who she is within the context of all that she's been through. No child should have to endure the life she's led. And while I (almost completely) understand *why* she is the way that she is, it's just too hard for me to watch her spiraling out of control.

Though it certainly doesn't happen in all, or even most cases, some people are permanently damaged by adoption. My sister has holes in her that can never be filled. It is my biggest fear that my children will have similar holes. And sometimes love just isn't enough...

Reflections

Seven years ago, just after Jon and I got married, we started collecting plaques from this company.

We had always hoped that one day we would be able to afford one of their mirrors. I later learned that they would customize any of their products to include things that are meaningful to us. This year, we decided to take the plunge and have our very own mirror custom made.

We ordered this several weeks ago, and today it arrived!

The mirror's overall theme is "Go out for adventure, come home for love".

On the "Go Out for Adventure" side, there's a picture of a city. Underneath that, there are 5 boxes: Seek Wisdom, Create, Take Risks, See the World, Celebrate Traditions

On the "Come Home for Love" Side is an image of a farm. The boxes underneath that are: Play Games, Relax, Accept Change, Coexist, and Laugh.

Across the bottom of the mirror are several people of different ethnicities, with the words "Respect Others". This is the foundation of our family philosophy, and this mirror will serve as an anchor of who we are and the values we find most important.

Scattered throughout the mirror are little meaningful symbols: a moose for my mom, a margarita for me, the board game "go" for Jon, an Ethiopian Tukul, The Eiffel Tower (to symbolize our last pre-children vacation). I haven't even had the chance to study it completely, but already it's the most meaningful thing I own.

Missing

We've been talking about death and dying a lot around here, as my children try to wrap their minds around having a grandma that they "know" through pictures and stories but will never have the opportunity to meet. They're also beginning to understand more and ask more questions about their adoption story, which includes the death of a very important person in their lives. For both myself and the twins, our lives have been punctuated by loss. But we don't have to let those losses define us.

When we talk about death, and the grief that stems from those deaths, it's easy to let the sadness take over. I am thankful for the gentle reminder by Mama Papaya & Figs that we ought to be grateful for the time that we did have together.

For the first time since my mother died, I am looking forward to Christmas -- her favourite time of the year. We will spend this holiday surrounded by the people who mean the most to us in this world, and we will be inspired by the spirits of those who left us too soon.

Teacher Gifts

This is the first holiday season that the twins have been in school, so it's the first time I've had to think about giving teacher gifts. I taught preschool for years, so I'm well aware of how hard their teachers work to keep the kids active, engaged, safe, learning, having fun, and having meaningful social interactions. I certainly don't have the funds available to properly thank them for all that they do, but I wanted to give them something meaningful. Here's what we ended up with:

For each of their teachers, I made a little journal using this ultra-easy tutorial.

Then I asked each kid to tell me something about each teacher, as well as something they liked doing with each teacher. Here are their answers:

"Mr R. is really nice. I like to play with the crane with him." -E
"Mr R. is a friendly guy and a nice, nice, nice person. I like to play trains with him." -I

"Miss. A. is good and she gives me a kiss. I like to sing and dance with her." -E
"Miss A. is a nice girl in our class and a good job teacher. I like to paint with her." -I

"Ms. D. is kinda really cute in her outfits. I like to do art projects with her." -E
"Ms. D. is very nice and I like to play with her and hug her and I like playing on the slide." -I

I also got each teacher a magnet with a JFK quote that says "One person can make a difference and everyone should try". I'm planning to write something along the lines of "Thank you for going above and beyond to make a difference in the lives of our children."

my first sewing project

There's definitely room for improvement, but given the fact that two days ago I was terrified of the sewing machine, I'm pretty happy with how they turned out.

three years

December 11, 2006. It was a Monday. I wasn't supposed to work, but was called in to sub (I was teaching preschool at the time). Just another day, so I thought, until I checked my phone during my break and saw that I had received a call from our adoption agency. *The* call from our adoption agency.

Immediately, I began shaking. It took me about 20 minutes to calm down enough to gather a piece of paper, pen and have the fine motor control to actually dial the number.

The first thing she said was "They're twins". Which blew my mind. I knew it was a possibility, but several families had been referred twins (and triplets) before us, and twins weren't really on our radar at all.

The next thing she said was "They were born May 2nd, 2006", to which I blurted out incredulously "They're Babies!?!". Babies also were not on our radar. If I'm being brutally honest, one small reason why we wanted to adopt was so that we could skip the baby stage. My entire world was rocked and immediately I had to begin rethinking all my plans.

Twin babies meant diapers, bottles, cribs. It meant bibs and teeny tiny clothing. It meant that I would have to carry them up 42 stairs to our third floor condo all by myself most days, if we chose to venture outside. I never would have asked for two babies, but now, three years later, I cannot imagine my life without them.

I waited 5 hours (until Jon got home from work) to see their faces.

In three years, they've each gained about 22 pounds, 14 inches, and about 83 million words. Their little personalities, which were vaguely present even upon our first meeting, have developed as they've become independent little individuals.

I always say that Tsege was sunshine and roses from the moment we met her. She has always been an introspective child, and when she was young, she studied people so intensely that it was, at times, jarring. Now, three years later, Tsege maintains that same intensity, channeled into whatever she's doing at the moment. She is the sort of child who will one day move mountains through sheer force of will. She is a perfectionist, and will work at something without pause until she achieves her goals. At 3.5, she is beginning to read, sounding out each letter she sees and putting them together phonetically. She loves music, dancing, gymnastics, and has great raw talent in most physical activities. She also loves to test limits and push buttons, but at heart, she is a very loving little girl.

Geremu has always been my sensitive child. He feels the pain and injustice of this world as if it's happening to him personally. He is the sort of child who would share his last train with another child if he knew that child had no toys of their own. Geremu has much less patience than his sister for most things. Instead, he flits from activity to activity throughout the day. However, when it comes to working with his hands and his imagination concurrently (building with blocks, playing with his trains, working on art projects, playing with play-dough, etc.) he stays engaged for hours. He is a remarkable storyteller, and makes connections that often astound me. He sings constantly, and makes up original songs on the spot about any topic you present him with (though he most often wants to sing about trains).

Whereas Tsege stays on a fairly straight and narrow path with her eyes always focused on her goals, Gere is content to meander through life, noticing each flower, garbage truck, bird and train track, and taking a moment to appreciate everything. He reminds me every single day that "this is a beautiful beautiful world".

Our referral day is a bittersweet one for me. It is not the day that our children were relinquished. That is a much more somber rememberance. It is the day that they were presented with a new future -- one that took many things away from them, and replaced what was lost with *us*.

I hope that we are doing right by them.

Twelve Books Of Christmas

I'm jumping on the bandwagon of this brilliant idea. For each of the twelve days leading up to Christmas, the twins will receive* a book, which we will read together as a family. For each book that E&I receive, we will also be making a donation to Ethiopia Reads, an organization who ensures that children in Ethiopia have access to books via a network of free libraries.

These are the 12 books we've chosen this year:


The Snowman

The Mysteries of Harris Burdick

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day

Children Just Like Me

The Beeman

Galimoto

Imagine

Andrew Henry's Meadow

Stellaluna

Dancing in the Wings

Mufaro's Beautiful Daughters

Twas The Night Before Christmas

*note: I'm not actually buying any books. These are all books I've collected over the years, many from book sales, thrift shops, garage sales, and fundraisers, and stockpiled for later use.

"This is a school and Melman is the teacher."

arts & crafts

We've been busy around here lately. Here's a sample of what we've been doing:

Playing Paper Telephone at Art Night

Making Wreaths


Baking Cookies


Q-Tip Painting



Sewing (yes, with a real needle and thread)


Writing ABC's


Creating Ornaments


Making Multicultural Magnets


Styrofoam Stamping



Squash Printing