Anatomy of our Kitchen

I'm about to do something absolutely terrifying. In order to be as honest and transparent as possible in our efforts to move towards a whole foods lifestyle, I have decided to post pictures and an inventory of our pre-whole-foods-challenge kitchen. Please (please please) don't judge me too harshly. I am fully aware that we have a long way to go.

Spices and less commonly used oils and vinegars.

This is my favourite place in the kitchen. The spice shelf includes sesame oil, chili oil, truffle oil, basil oil, walnut oil, white vinegar, red wine vinegar, champagne peach vinegar. We also have balsamic vinegar, olive oil, grapeseed oil and vegetable oil in easier to access locations.

Spices include Cinnamon, whole nutmeg, cloves, ginger, cayenne, sweet paprika, hot smoked paprika, turmeric, cumin, coriander, garam masala, sambar curry powder, asafoetida, berbere, ird, red pepper, chili pepper, dill, garlic powder, onion powder, and several others that are less frequently used.

This general area also includes 3 different types of salt.

The Pantry Cabinet:

Here's where things start getting bad. Lots of cans. Lots of boxes. Lots of things with lots of preservatives.

On the counter: jars of popcorn, quinoa, whole wheat couscous, millet, cornmeal and lentils. Corn Tortillas, the fruit bowl, and a basket for tomatoes, garlic and a few onions.

First shelf: Various Pastas, kalamata olives, marinated mushrooms, roasted red peppers, capers, soy sauce, mango ginger marinade, tomato paste, and various forms of hot sauce (red curry, sriracha, tabasco, etc.)

Second Shelf: On the left are jams, preserves, baking supplies, cocoa powder, lemon curd, etc. Moving to the right, we have a box of crackers, some cherry vanilla granola (yum!) and a variety of dried fruits and nuts (cranberries, cherries, sundried tomatoes, apricots, walnuts and almonds).

Third Shelf: Lots of cans containing beans, black olives, coconut milk, soups, vegetable stock. Next, brown sugar and powdered sugar, baking soda, flour, sugar. Maple syrup (real and fake).

Top Shelf: I'm not even sure what's up there. Backstock mostly. Extra homemade jam, cornstarch, instant grits, pasta sauce, bread flour, gram flour, masa harina, some random marinades, baking powder and condensed milk? (no idea why I have that!)

The Fridge:

Lots of vegetables, hummus, english muffins, eggs, tofu, water, soy milk, cheese, yogurt, and other assorted random things.

On the top shelf of the door, we have yeast, butter, cream cheese, barbecue sauce, ketchup, about a million different types of mustard (at least 6 different ones), several types of jelly, and peanut butter.

On the bottom is a ridiculous amount of salad dressing and a bunch of other stuff that we very rarely use. Oh, and an open container of vegetable stock.

The Freezer:

Also pretty bad. Top shelf has almost all bread items as well as ice and frozen watermelon and blueberries. Bottom shelf is all vegetarian fake proteins. These are what we need to get rid of (or at least significantly cut down upon).

The freezer door has frozen vegetables, extra butter, ginger root, and probiotics.

In addition to those spaces, we also have a basket of root vegetables:

Onions, potatoes, beets, sweet potatoes, and for some reason there's a bag of rice in it as well.

There's also the 12 jars of Newman's peach salsa I've got tucked away in my basement. This is my version of crack, and there's no way I'm ready to say goodbye. I have to go to great lengths to get this stuff (there's only one store within 100 miles that sells it).

I'll post a second set of pictures at the end of this month. Hopefully there will be (big) changes. I'm not quite sure what to expect from this, but I'm excited to find out!

meal planning

I thought it would be fun to share our basic dinner plans for the month of February. I'm intending to try out a whole bunch of new recipes, so it should be both fun and challenging. Almost all of these will also be served with some sort of salad, and / or whatever vegetables happen to look good at the store that week:

1. French Onion Soup with salad
2. Stir Fry (red pepper, broccoli, mushrooms, onions, carrots, and whatever else I can find. Sauce made from sesame oil, garlic, ginger, crushed red pepper and soy sauce)
3. Penne with Tomatoes, Olives and Two Cheeses (Thanks Carrie!)
4. Greek Couscous Salad (whole wheat couscous with feta, red onion, tomato, cucumber, and this dressing which is the best Greek dressing I've ever had!)
5. BBQ Seitan with salad and corn pudding
6. Tofu Cutlets with green beans and herbed stuffing (made from homemade bread. I'm just going to wing this recipe).
7. Black Bean Tacos (homemade corn tortillas, black beans, shredded cheddar, diced onion, avocado, diced tomato, etc.)
8. East African Sweet Potato Patties with Piri Piri
9. Bruschetta on homemade bread with pasta salad
10. Lablabi (Tunisian Chickpea Stew)
11. Tempura Vegetables with homemade dipping sauce (not sure what this will entail yet)
12. Cajun Blackened Tofu with Mango Ginger Salsa (from the World Food Cafe Cookbook)
13. Tortilla Espanola with salad
14. Gnocchi (one of my favourite things in the world, but something I've only actually made from scratch once when I was 16!) This recipe sounds absolutely incredible, but we'll see how motivated I am!
15. Orange Pan-Glazed Tofu with salad.
16. Homemade Ravioli in a mushroom cream sauce with salad.
17. Lentil Soup with homemade bread
18. Make your own pizza night. Homemade crust, topping choices to include homemade tomato sauce, homemade pesto sauce, olive oil, mozzarella, goat cheese, caramelized onions, roasted garlic, olives, red peppers, & mushrooms.
19. Homemade black bean burgers with sweet potato and beet chips
20. Pesto Pasta with Peas, Parmesan and Artichoke Hearts.
21. Mushroom, Sage, and Sweet Corn Quinoa (I've handed out this recipe before, but it's one of our absolute favourites!)
22. Pineapple Pepper Tofu (from The Vegetarian Gourmet's Easy International Recipes)
23. Chili with Cornbread
24. Spanakopita with Greek Salad
25. Baked Potatoes with a variety of stuffings (broccoli and cheese, mushrooms, etc.)
26. Mojadara
27. Enchiladas (not sure on either the sauce or fillings yet.)
28. Moroccan Vegetable Tagine (Another all-time favourite, this recipe includes onions, diced tomatoes, cinnamon, cayenne, turmeric, cumin, coriander, chickpeas, carrots, lemons, diced dried apricots, diced green olives, green beans, vegetable stock.)

I'd love to hear some of your favourite recipes and meals (particularly for breakfasts and lunches) I always love trying new things!

The Rules: 28 Days of Whole(ish) Foods

So I think we've finally settled on our "rules" for our February challenge: 28 days of buying only whole foods. Without further ado:

We are allowed to buy:

1. All fresh fruits and vegetables. Given that it's winter here, limited quantities of frozen fruits and vegetables are permissible as long as they're the only "ingredient" (i.e. no added sugars or preservatives)

2. All herbs and spices.

3. All single ingredient foods from the bulk foods aisle. This includes but is not limited to: unsalted raw nuts, grains, seeds, beans, and freshly ground unsweetened and unsalted peanut butter.

4. Olives, olive oil, grapeseed oil, and sesame oil.

5. All vinegars.

6. Limited quantities of whole wheat pasta and bread (only if I can understand and pronounce all of the ingredients).

7. Yeast to make our own bread.

8. Wine (for cooking and for drinking)

9. Canned diced tomatoes. Only because it's winter and the "fresh" tomatoes around here are not so fresh.

10. All cruelty-free dairy products including butter, eggs and cheese.

11. Soy Milk (for the kids)

12. Tofu and Seitan. Because we're vegetarians and there's no way for us to do this without those two items. I've made my own seitan, and it's never come out very well. I will keep trying, though. I'm struggling a lot with the idea of giving up Quorn (a mycoprotein chicken alternative that we use in lots of different recipes to make them vegetarian). I may get halfway through this challenge and decide we need to add Quorn to the list, but for now it's forbidden!

Other Rules:

In addition to the list above, and in the interests of our budgetary constraints this month, I am allowed to use the products that we already have on hand. I am just not allowed to buy any more of them when we run out.

If we are invited to someone's house, or some special event, we will eat what is served.

Restaurants and the period that I will be on vacation is officially exempt (although I do try to patronize establishments that use fresh local ingredients, so this shouldn't really be much of a problem.)

Finally, if I make at least one good faith attempt to make a product from scratch that I would typically buy (i.e. vegetable bouillon, tortillas, etc.) then I am allowed to purchase the pre-made product on subsequent shopping trips as long as the ingredients all fall into approved categories.

I've already started menu planning for the month, and am hoping to try out a bunch of new recipes. I'm thinking about making our monthly meal plan a future blog post, but I'm not sure if anyone would be interested... I'm also slightly nervous about how far our grocery budget will get us this month, but perhaps I'll be surprised.

Reflections on 30 days of nothing

As this 30 days comes to a close, I've realized that what started as an experiment and an opportunity to recalibrate my relationship with spending money has had an enormous impact on how I intend to spend money in the future. It's given me the motivation to think deeply about issues of ethics, giving, entitlement, expectation, competition, and sustainability.

When it comes right down to it, living a life of constant conspicuous consumption is not sustainable. Our earth has finite resources that are being stripped at an alarming rate, my house has a finite amount of space to store or display all of the things I could choose to purchase, and my bank account has a finite amount of money with which to finance those purchases.

Advertising is everywhere we look from tv spots to glossy magazine spreads to the clothes and accessories our friends and neighbors wear. The pressure to "keep up" with the latest trends and newest innovations is great. But this month, I've learned that saying no to those extraneous purchases doesn't cause depression or increased stress levels. If anything, I've been happier, less stressed out, and more able to be a present participant in life.

Wanting will never cease. There will always be things to desire, and I've come to believe that it is an innate human characteristic to always strive for more / better / higher levels of success. But that success does not have to be measured by the things we can accumulate. Instead of looking outward for a barometer of success, I'm choosing to focus on my own personal goals, and the goals of my family to define our success. And I think we'll all be a lot happier that way.

At the end of the book Not Buying It, the author speaks about how a natural disaster (the 2004 Tsunami in Southeast Asia) put her experiment into perspective. It's interesting how the earthquake in Haiti has done the same for me. It's made me realize just how stark the differences are between the haves and the have nots. And while natural disasters tug at heartstrings and mobilize people quickly, I think it's important to remember that people in communities around the world are living in poverty, war zones, and any number of other devastating situations *all the time*.

It's easy to "forget" or to block those images out by changing the channel after the news stations stop their coverage, but I've always said that one of the biggest benefits of privilege is the ability to "look the other way" and not deal with the realities that others have no choice but to live with.

In a lot of ways, this year of challenges is designed to pursue what we've defined for ourselves as "the good life". Connected, intentional living practices that move toward sustainability on all fronts. Giving more, doing more, buying fewer things to clutter the landscape of our lives, but enjoying everything we do and buy even more. To me, this is really all an effort to pursue happiness in its purest form.

If you've participated in 30 days of nothing, I'm really looking forward to hearing how this month has impacted you.

For one or for all?

Cathy recently left me this comment, which really got me thinking:

"Right now I'm struggling between the idea of donating (in small doses) to many charities that I love OR, do I concentrate all our efforts into ONE charitable organization? Which makes the bigger difference? Because I want to make a difference."

I struggle with how best to give as well. I can definitely see both sides of the argument, and I'm not sure that there's any singular answer.

When I was young and idealistic, I wanted to change the world. Then, as I learned more about the intricacies and nuances of policies and complicated economic and social systems, I realized that in order to have any chance at a real impact, I would need to focus my efforts on the thing that moved me the most. It was then that I decided that my personal goal in life was to change the world one child at a time. That's relatively easy to do when you're talking about time and energy, but what about when it comes to giving money?

There are so many charities and people out there doing amazing things, and I think we should all do as much to support one another in working towards a safe, just, healthy world. It's so hard to determine which of the countless worthy recipients should actually receive what I have to give.

Personally, I begin by narrowing them down based upon category (food/ famine relief, education, housing, emergency response, medical, etc.) and then by my personal convictions. There are certain charities that, while I think they're doing good work, I will not give money to.

One small example: It's hard for me to say no to donating money to breast cancer research, but I do. And I do it because my mother died of a brain tumor, and if I'm donating to cancer research, that's where my money will be going.

I also check out every charity we donate to on the Better Business Bureau's Charity Review Website, which gives potential donors information about the percentage of their donations that go to program costs vs. overhead and fundraising expenses.

I know that we cannot afford to give to each and every worthy charity, so I have to make difficult choices. And in no way would I ever claim that our choices are better than anyone else's. They're just what works for us.

Charitable giving is a category in our newest monthly budget. I'm thinking, for us, maybe one year we'll pick a different charity each month and spend time learning about what they do and who they help and why the need exists in the first place. Then the next year, we'll save the specified amount each month so that at the end of the year we can do something big (like maybe buy a well for an entire village). And we can alternate between something big and lots of little somethings every other year.

How do you decide which charities to give to?

weekend update

I've been sick for the past few days, and apparently my computer's been sick as well, so I haven't been able to update the blog in a while. Not much has changed and a lot of things have changed.

We had plans to go to a free drum circle on Friday night. I was feeling absolutely miserable, so we stayed home and watched old Lost episodes in preparation for the season premiere next week. Saturday, we had planned to clean the house and then have some people over for art night. Jon and I both felt miserable, so we cleaned a bit and then laid on the couch watching more episodes of lost. Today, I was supposed to work, but I'd rather not infect everyone else with whatever it is I have, so..... You guessed it. We'll be watching lost. If we're feeling up to it, maybe we'll take the kids and the dog for a long walk later.

This morning, I made eggs florentine for our brunch at home. It's one of my favourite things to order when we go out for brunch, and I wanted to give it a try. It turned out to be tasty, but I think it's safe to say that I probably won't be making it at home again for a long, long time. The amount of work (and cleanup) it took reminded me of exactly why we go out.

I've still been thinking about ways that we could do more with what we have. We know that we want to focus more on using our money to buy experiences rather than things. I already know what my first two expenses will be once we start spending again: a plane ticket and registration for the White Privilege Conference. Each of those things has been carefully considered, and I think the benefits definitely outweigh the costs.

The trip is to visit a good friend who moved to California last year. One of my goals for this year is to invest more in my friendships, and this trip will be a way to do that, as well as take some time for myself to recharge. I am definitely a better person, wife and mother when I've taken a bit of time for myself.

The White Privilege Conference will allow me to work on becoming a better ally to people of colour, give me an opportunity to network, and help me earn continuing education credits necessary for me to maintain my social work license.

Aside from those two purchases, I will be continuing to only buy groceries and pay bills for the foreseeable future. This is partially by choice and partially out of necessity. Due to a change in company policy coupled with the way the next few pay periods fall, we will be temporarily living on 25% less income than we're used to. Normally I would be freaking out about what that means for us. But after 30 days of Nothing, (and although I *am* feeling a bit stressed out about the whole situation) I feel thankful for everything that we do have, and I know that we will manage. We have options. So many others do not.

A while back, I'd heard about this family who was selling their house in order to downsize and, in doing so, pledged to give half of the money to charity. Rebekah passed on this link to an article about them, and I thought it was worthy of sharing.

Entitlement

I've been thinking about this post for a while now, but I'm still not entirely sure how to wrap my mind around all of the issues. I'm hoping if I put it out there, others will weigh in.

The issue that's been keeping me up at night most recently is the idea of entitlement. Not necessarily in the sense of unearned privilege (though I fully recognize that a large part of what we have is due to being afforded certain privileges that others cannot access), but moreso with respect to what we "earn".

It sometimes doesn't feel like it, but we are some of the wealthiest people in the world. To what extent is it ethically responsible to enjoy that wealth? How do we find the proper balance between having and giving?

Even with all we already have, there is a long list of things I want (most of which relate to home improvements or travel destinations). And yet people live with a whole lot less, and I'm sure we would survive if we didn't ever get anything on my wish list. The money we could spend on an international vacation for our family of four could feed a small village for a year. We could donate that money to the world food programme, or we could travel abroad and alter our children's perspectives on the world (which may inspire them to pursue a career that makes the world a better place), support the local economy of artisans and small business owners, and replenish our own reserves of happiness. Is either one of these the "right" or even the best thing to do?

It feels incredibly selfish to admit, but (a large) part of why we work "so hard" (which is nothing in comparison to how hard most people in developing nations are working just to meet their most basic needs) is so that we can enjoy some of the "finer things in life". If we were giving all of our excess money away, I don't think we'd be anywhere near as motivated to work as hard or as often.

So where's the balance? Just how much joy are we entitled to? The best answer I can come up with is that we should aim to give away enough to make a difference, but not more than what would make us feel resentful of the act of giving. In my mind, if a gift isn't given freely, it's not really a gift.

How do you determine how much to give?

MLK

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is this: what are you doing for others?”
~Martin Luther King, Jr.

"No individual can live alone, no nation can live alone, and anyone who feels that he can live alone is sleeping through a revolution. The world in which we live is geographically one. The challenge that we face today is to make it one in terms of brotherhood....

Through our scientific and technological genius, we have made of this world a neighborhood and yet we have not had the ethical commitment to make of it a brotherhood. But somehow, and in some way, we have got to do this. We must all learn to live together as brothers or we will all perish together as fools. We are tied together in the single garment of destiny, caught in an inescapable network of mutuality. And whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. For some strange reason I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. And you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the way God's universe is made; this is the way it is structured."

~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today's Reflection

"When a luxury becomes a commodity, we quickly take it for granted"

30 days of nothing is no longer an experiment, a project or a game for me. It has become a lifestyle choice (and that is still far more than most are able to choose).

If you've got 20 minutes:

This is an interesting (if oversimplified) thing to watch.

A random collection of thoughts on nothing.

There have been some really good conversations happening at our house about the ethical implications and responsibilities of having privilege. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around some of the thoughts, so I'll hold off on writing about them until they're slightly more formed.

I'm reading the book "Not Buying It" by Judith Levine which chronicles the author's experiences after committing to going an entire year without (unnecessary) shopping. It's an interesting read, especially in light of my own commitment to a year's worth of challenges. She offers lots of food for thought on our culture of consumerism and the things that drive us to participate in it.

Here is an interesting interview that will give you the gist if you don't want to read the whole book.

A couple of things that have gotten me thinking recently:

• "our houses are such unweildy property that we are often imprisoned rather than housed in them" Thoreau

• Not buying it references a passage from Plato's Republic where several men are discussing what an "ideal city" might look like. They debate whether simplicity should be the ideal, and that discussion quickly snowballs into a question of why we should be content with just one option, and thus a much more complex and interconnected society is born. It's the basis for Emile Durkheim's concepts of Mechanical vs Organic solidarity, and it amazes me that, more than 2000 years ago, philosophers were already able to follow the natural course of an increasingly consumptive culture to its inevitable? end: a "feverish city" (Republic 373).

• Advertising. And the fact that "almost nothing that is advertised is actually necessary".

• Fitting in, standing out, and what we're trying to achieve / emulate by purchasing what we do.

• This Website

How's everyone else doing? What issues are you thinking about lately?

perspective

A couple of years ago, a friend asked me what I'd want to have if I were stuck on a deserted island. I thought long and hard about that, and answered that, aside from fresh water, food, shelter and sunscreen, all I'd really need is a pen and a notebook. I don't really *need* a lot to survive.

The answer changes slightly when the question shifts to "what would you save if your house were on fire?" Assuming my children and husband were safe, I would want to try to save as many of my scrapbooks and photo albums as I could. There's a bunch of art that I would hate to lose, and lots of other things I would be sad about, but if tragedy struck, I could live without most of what I have.

But these questions are just hypothetical for me. Realistically, I am in no true danger of ever having to face either of these circumstances.

And then an Earthquake happens, and it puts everything into perspective.

When an unspeakably horrific tragedy befalls an entire nation of people, something like 30 days of "nothing' just seems ridiculous. Honestly, when compared to the fact that millions of people have no access to clean water or food or necessary medical care, the fact that I've "given up" little luxuries is kind of absurd. My "nothing" still involves fresh water, food whenever I'm hungry, access to medical care if I need it, and a home to protect me from the elements. That is so much more than so many others have.

Guilt is something I've never really had much use for. From my perspective, guilt is a pretty useless feeling to waste time and energy on. However, from time to time in my life, I've had to work through feelings of guilt so that I can transform those feelings into some sort of action.

When I was a teenager and first truly confronted the fact that I am afforded a number of privileges simply because I was born with a certain skin tone, I grappled with guilt. It can be a paralyzing feeling. But if you're paralyzed, how can you actually *do* anything to solve the problem?

Now, after viewing some of the destruction, and hearing some of the personal accounts of the devastation in Haiti, I'm struggling to find the balance between enjoying the things that I have (and have worked hard to gain) and giving as much as I can (to help improve the lives of others). I just don't know where that line is. It's very murky territory.

I've used this opportunity to really illustrate the importance of giving to the twins. They're both very interested in what's going on in Haiti, and have decided that they want to donate some of their own money to "people who don't have food or water or houses or doctors". Thankfully there are lots of fantastic organizations dedicated to disaster relief that make it really easy to donate.

We're still plugging along on our 3o days, and still haven't really felt tempted to spend any additional money. In fact, I think we may be continuing the experience through the month of February (in addition to our whole foods experiment).

I've often wondered whether I'm sharing too much since I took the blog private. Who could possibly care about all these mundane details of my life? But then I heard this quote today and thought it apropos: "Nothing is ever too much. This is life. This is how we live. And we share it to survive it."

Interview with Elijah, age 3.5

1. What is something mama always says to you?
you always build a cool train track. Be an angel. you say "lijah, that's really awesome!"

2. What makes mama happy? you love my cool train tracks that I build so hard and what makes you happy is when I go to school and be an angel or something.

3. What makes mama sad? that I don't give you hugs and kiss and it makes you sad that I'm never never never gonna sit by you.

4. How does your mama make you laugh? you tickle me, my neck is most tickley.

5. What was your mama like as a child? you was a little girl and you go "wah waaah waaah ohh hoo hoo" and then i picked you up and you say "lijah!" and then you woked up and you said "lijah, lijah i'm scared" and then lijah went downstairs and I made a yummy breakfast only for you and then we did a couple things: we went to the art museum and then we had to go on a plane and then we did a huge couple things and that was so dangerous. lets don't ever go in the sky with all the people.

6. How old is your mama? 32

7. How tall is your mama? you're like this tall (puts arms way up) than me.

8. What is her favorite thing to do? there's a couple things to do: play in the basement, go for a ride, play trains with me, having the mirror guy come (?!?). you love to go on trips with me like the big train trip back to toronto.

9. What does your mama do when you're not around? you leave and run some errands and go to the store and then go to work.

10. If your mama becomes famous, what will it be for? uhm, actually if you're famous then I will get you out of the tv because i'll say "mama, it's not okay to go in the tv. it has a lot of parts and you don't know how to put it together."

11. What is your mama really good at? you're really really good at building trains and you have really really strong muscles.

12. What is your mama not very good at? you're bad at never writing letters to people

13. What does your mama do for her job? you buy money except for daddy buys money and bring home the bacon and you're a good mama and i say "good job mama! the whole house is clean! have a star" and then the mailman comes.

14. What is your mama's favorite food? your favourite thing is to eat muffins, you love to eat carrots, you love to eat fans, no! wait! never eat those things! (laughing).

15. What makes mama proud of you? you love my buildings you love my letters you love my reading books you're proud when i'm nice.

16. What do you and your mama do together? we go on a metra train, we go on a freight train, we go on the el, we go on a steam engine, we go on an amtrak train, and the guy says, "here's a town, we must stop"

17. How are you and your mama the same? you're the same like me because we have both hair. mine is brown and yours is peach. peach is sort of like a brown too.

18. What is your favorite book? my favourite book is iggy peck architect, but I don't like when miss lila gets mad. i don't like mad. i love to read david goes to school, i love to read chicago, i love to read africa

19. What is your favorite number? 3

20. What is your favorite color? I love brown and blue and pink and yellow but yellow's a tricky colour because i love red.

21. What is your favorite food? eggs and sausage, peanut butter and jelly, and i love to eat bird nests.

22: How come you never call me mama anymore? well, I call you Jayme Elizabeth, mama!

23. Who's your favourite friend? my favourite friend is Ella, Jaela, Izzie, Daniel, Dash, Ryan, Nora, I love my friends.

24: What do you want to be when you grow up? A train engineer and a pilot and I want to drive the articulated bus and the short bus and school buses and bendy buses and i'm going to be the boat driver.

interview with isabel age 3.5

It's always interesting to hear my kids' perspectives. I especially like how glamourous she thinks my life is when she's not around!

1. What is something mama always says to you? She says "my friend is a friend and I love you and have fun".

2. What makes mama happy? Sitting down

3. What makes mama sad? us not going to sleep

4. How does your mama make you laugh? uhm (laughing) she makes me laugh by tickling me

5. What was your mama like as a child? playin', playing, playing, playing and I get to carry you. You were like us.

6. How old is your mama? 31

7. How tall is your mama? stand up and i'll see. uhm, you're really really tall. and daddy's really really really tall. mommy, can you stand up and touch the sky? I want to see that, mom! oh. you can't. 'cause you're too little.

8. What is her favorite thing to do? watch gymnastics.

9. What does your mama do when you're not around? drive the car, eat cake, have chocolate, have cupcakes, fixin' this lightbulb, take a shower.

10. If your mama becomes famous, what will it be for? if you become famous then I will not be special. we'll make a deal.

11. What is your mama really good at? you're really good at pumpin' your knees on the swing. you're the really really best at givin' me special food.

12. What is your mama not very good at? you're not really good at goin' to sleep. you always don't go to sleep.

13. What does your mama do for her job? do that work (points to computer)

14. What is your mama's favorite food? This food that you just made and you're the best cooker I ever met.

15. What makes mama proud of you? hmmm. you're proud of me all the time.

16. What do you and your mama do together? play trains. I help you make a train track. you come downstairs and watch me hoolie hoop. that's the best thing ever!

17. How are you and your mama the same? we got the same white on our eyes, but we don't got the same colours.

18. What is your favorite book? "me and my body"

19. What is your favorite number? 2

20. What is your favorite color? pink

21. What is your favorite food? waffles with syrup

22: How come you never call me mama anymore? because I call you mother. and Jayme Elizabeth"

23. Who's your favourite friend? Nora bobora, Ella, Ligaya, Leela.

24. Who's your favourite teacher? Miss Donna because, you see, she sings the crazy songs.

A couple of random thoughts

We're still clipping along on our 30 days of nothing experiment, and I have to say that this challenge has lead to lots of valuable and interesting insights and conversations at home, online and even within the community. I wanted to share a couple of random thoughts:

Spending vs wasting:
In our household, I definitely am responsible for spending more money. But of the two of us, Jon wastes more money. Here's how I define the difference: The things I spend money on (aside from the random impulse spending, which I'm officially putting the kibosh on) are generally well-researched high quality products which we actually use after we purchase them.

Wasting money in my eyes essentially means spending on things that are truly unnecessary.

Jon spends most of his money buying lunches while he's at work. For years he's been resisting my encouragement to pack a lunch from home. Now that he's actually been doing it for a couple of weeks, his attitude has completely shifted. I don't think he'll completely give up buying lunches, but he's been amazed at the money he's saved, so we'll see.

Jon used to disproportionately use things like paper towels. That's also changed dramatically since we started this experiment. He has also literally watched money blow away in the wind (things like that happen with remarkable frequency when Jon is involved!).

We've both been amazed by how much little changes in our daily routines add up to huge savings. By identifying when, why, and how we each spend money, we're in a much better position to put our "bad spending habits" to rest.

In other news, I spent $2.50 on parking so that I could take the kids to the aquarium (on free day). I deliberated long and hard over spending that money, but ultimately I decided that since the focus of spending the money would be on having a memorable experience with my kids (rather than on some random thing), it was justified.

I also think that spending $2.50 for metered parking downtown is a pretty minimal expense, given that most lots cost upwards of $20. Finally, the quarters came from the change accumulated on my last grocery shopping trip (where I began paying with cash!)

Finally, I've noticed that I've been remarkably happier and much more at peace during this spending hiatus. I'm feeling more connected to other people, am more likely to spend quality time with the kids, and am feeling infinitely less pressure to compare myself to others. I think the key has been really defining our goals, so that with each choice we make, we have a clearer understanding of what's guiding us toward whatever conclusion we reach. It's a good feeling.

learning differences

One of my children is an academic superstar. At 3.5 years old, this child voluntarily practices reading and writing letters at every possible opportunity, and is beginning to read some words.

At first, I thought that my other child's reluctance to work on anything involving letters was simply due to interest in other activities. No big deal. But now I'm beginning to think it's something more. It's not just disinterest. This child really doesn't understand. (And why would anyone want to engage in activities that they don't understand? It's a huge blow to self-confidence -- especially when your twin gets it so easily.) If it were just the letters, I wouldn't think it was such a big deal, but it goes deeper than that.

I try really really hard not to compare my children to one another (or to other kids). I want them to be who they are, unencumbered by what others think they should be. But I also want to make sure that I address potential problems in ways that don't impact their self-esteem and long term social-emotional well being. And I think that this is starting to have a negative impact.

The child in question has enormous talents in other aspects of life. I want nothing more than for both of my children to be happy, healthy, well adjusted people who pursue the things that they love most in the world. But I fear that the difficulties this child is having with respect to letters are impacting other things as well.

It's difficult since my kids are the same age, and whenever we're working on literacy at home, the one who loves it desperately wants to be yelling out all the answers, and the one who struggles is constantly looking to the letter lover for answers. Separating them rarely works, as the one who's "left out" feels sad (which prompts acting out), and the one who's getting the attention complains that it isn't fair that the other kid gets to play. I can't win!

I've talked with the twins' teacher, who is planning to observe the level of understanding my child has within a small group setting. We'll reconvene in a couple of weeks to talk about her insights. At home, I'm planning to continue working with both kids using fun, literacy focused games. I don't want either of my kids to feel pressured, but I do want them to try learning in lots of different ways, and also to equate learning with fun.

If any of you have experience with children of varying academic abilities, I'd be really grateful to hear your thoughts on how to handle teaching them.

happiness

I've been having some really good conversations with people about intentional living lately, and a couple of quotes have really stuck with me. The first was in an e-mail from a friend who had previously taken on a series of month-long challenges to, in her words, "identify what was adding value and what was adding noise".

I love that analogy so, so much because I really think it gets to the heart of the matter. It's so easy (at least for me) to get swept away by the pretty packaging and constant promises of various products that will make my life easier, yadda yadda yadda. But in the end, all of this "stuff" really just complicates things. The more stuff I have, the more stuff I have to keep clean and organized, which adds to my overall stress level and takes time away from other things that I'd rather be doing.

Which leads to the second quote that has given me pause recently (Courtesy of Rebekah)

"There is a line that you cross when the accumulated financial cost of your life adds more stress than reward. "

As Rebekah points out, this concept also applies to stuff.

William Morris once said that a person should "Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful." I love this quote, and actually have it taped to my computer. One of my long-term goals this year is to simplify. My problem, as I've stated previously, is that I hold on to things because of their sentimental value. I also see the beauty in almost everything. My house is full. I need to work on finding ways to achieve happiness that don't rely upon things.

One of the things I've been thinking about quite a bit during this 30 days of nothing is *how* I want to spend money once I choose to begin spending again. I've decided that I want to become a collector of experiences rather than things. I'm sure that things will be accumulated in the process of gathering my experiences, but they will no longer be the focus.

I happened across this blog today, and have requested the author's book, inspired by her pursuit of happiness, from the library. I'm really looking forward to hearing her perspective on happiness. And I'd love to hear yours as well. What does happiness look like for you?

Weekends

In analyzing our family's spending habits, I've realized that weekends are prime time for us to spend money. It's really the only time that the four of us have as a family, and we always try to make the most of it. A typical weekend for us usually involves eating out once or twice on Friday and /or Saturday, and then our much anticipated Sunday Brunch.

For the past two weeks (since we started 30 days of nothing), we've been doing "Brunch at home" where I try to recreate some of our favourite recipes in our own kitchen. Last week I made German pancakes with fruit, and today I decided to attempt Chilaquiles. They were delicious! Next week I'm going to try 2 different strata recipes: one sweet and one savory. Then Eggs Florentine. I'm open to suggestions for the last Sunday of the month!

We already know that we're not giving up brunch long-term. It's just too important to our family. Although Brunch at home has made Sundays feel a little more special than they otherwise would, it hasn't been the same (it's far too easy for everyone to get distracted at home and not spend the time reconnecting. Plus, there's all the cooking and cleaning that I don't have to worry about when we go out).

In other news, I went "shopping" yesterday in one of my favourite neighborhoods in the city. It's positively loaded with adorable vintage stores, and there's even a galleria full of artist's booths. I went, I looked, I appreciated the metalwork on a beautiful necklace, I paused to enjoy a display of vintage cameras (which I collect), I browsed a collection of gorgeous hand-printed scarves, and I oohed and aahed over a vintage wooden bookcase painted turquoise. But I didn't buy a thing. And you know what? I didn't even feel the temptation. I also parked several blocks away from my destination so that I could avoid paying a parking meter.

One of my biggest personal challenges for this year is to learn how to appreciate the beauty in the world without feeling the need to possess it. I have this innate "need" to surround myself with aesthetically beautiful, whimsical, fun, colourful, and meaningful things. My house is an eclectic collection of African sculpture, Costa Rican Art, Thai Pottery, American crafts, ultra-modern statement pieces and antiques. Everything I own has some sentimental value, but recently I've found myself wondering when "enough is enough"? I don't "need" anything more to feel fulfilled and content. But that fact rarely stops me from wanting. From coveting. And from comparing what's within my means to what's within the means of others. I think that's the nature (and one of the worst aspects) of our "keeping up with the Joneses" culture.

It's interesting to me because I've never really been one to "follow the crowd". And yet, I've hopped right on the consumerist bandwagon with reckless abandon. And although my purchases might be off the beaten path, does that really make it any better? This experiment has given me a lot to consider.

Today we will spend our family time at a local winter festival. We will take the long way there, so as to avoid the tollway. We will bring our own homemade hot chocolate, and we will enjoy the activities planned and offered for free.

Happy Sunday to you all.

Nothing's gonna bring me down

I love this song, and it definitely speaks to how I'm feeling these days. (Plus, he certainly isn't awful to look at!)

A year of challenges

I'm thinking that this is my official list (though I reserve the right to change the order of the challenges). I'll post my specific rules and goals for each challenge at the beginning of each month.

January: 30 days of Nothing.

February: 28 days of Whole Foods.

March: 31 days of Daily Exercise, No Excuses.

April: 30 days of Cultural Immersion. (including attendance at the White Privilege Conference)

May: 31 days of No Yelling.

June: 30 Days of Living Locally. (buying only things I can get at farmers markets and from local artisans)

July: 31 days of Zero Screen Time. (aside from what's required for work)

August: 31 days, One Garbage Bag.

September: 30 days, 30 Different Parks. (to spend quality time with the kids and utilize our city's resources)

October: 31 Days of Learning Something New Every Day.

November: 30 Days, 30 New Recipes.

December: 31 days of Random Acts of Kindness.

Seven days down

We've made it through our first week of buying nothing but groceries, and honestly I thought it would be harder. I expected to feel claustrophobic and maybe a little resentful of the limitations that this challenge has placed upon our family. To prepare for our 30 days of nothing, I started making a list of all the free activities we could do around the city in case we got bored (There are *tons* of them, by the way). In reality, we have been perfectly content staying home and getting creative about how we can use the things we already own to have fun.

I'm feeling good about this. I'm finding that I'm more relaxed, peaceful, and happy without the added stress of getting everyone out the door and then keeping track of them when we get wherever we're going. The weather (at least today) is also helping. It's snowing outside, so I'm thinking our plans for the day involve some playing in the snow, shoveling, hot chocolate, bubble baths, making a blanket fort, and watching movies.

Planning and cooking all of our meals has also been a fun challenge. I can foresee a time when I'll feel burnt out because the meticulous planning takes a *long* time, but suddenly I'm feeling like I have that time to spend. Or maybe I'm just spending my time more wisely. I could also use suggestions for lunches (especially ones that are easily packed up for travel!)

Although we haven't really been anywhere that would really tempt me into spending money, I definitely don't miss buying random stuff. At all. My want list now has 4 items on it: a dustpan, a kitchen timer, a pizza stone (for making homemade pizzas and breads), and a mailbox. (We currently have a mail slot which the mailman will not put mail into because our dog attacks it. As a result, our mail is left between the storm door and front door and gets destroyed any time it rains/snows.)

After this challenge is over, I'm going to attempt to procure each of these items through freecycle. I'm not looking for them now because I've specifically chosen to interpret "nothing" as NOTHING, and I feel like going out in search of things (even free things) compromises part of what I wanted to gain out of doing this challenge in the first place.

The kids really haven't noticed or been affected much at all. They've asked to eat "at a restaurant" several times, but have been totally fine when I explained that we're not doing that this month. They also really really wanted their gloves to be attached to their coats. Since I'm not buying those little clippy things, I just braided some yarn and strung it through the sleeves. Problem solved!

Oh, and the homemade deodorant totally works!

How's everyone else doing?

Edit: two more

One month of no "screen time":
Aside from what's required for work, this means zero television or internet. This challenge will force me to fill my time with other (hopefully more productive) activities and also find alternative ways to stay in touch with friends. I've never been a big telephone person, but I will do my best this month. I'm also considering bringing back the lost art of the handwritten letter.

One month of no yelling:
As Cindy stated: For 30 days every action and spoken word must be done with patience, sympathy, postive tones, and kindness.

So now I'm up to 8 months of challenges. Keep the ideas coming!

because the world owes me nothing, but we owe each other the world

So, in laying out all of my goals for the year, I've realized that they all center around living a more engaged, conscious, connected life. I feel like our society really makes it easy for mindless decisions to be made, which, in turn, makes it easy to just float through life with no real convictions or allegiances. For as long as I can remember, I've been a questioner, and though that often makes my life more challenging, I also feel that the rewards are far greater.

I once put together a "musical autobiography" which compiled all of the songs that encapsulated various points in my life. There were lots of songs on that list, but if I had to distill my life / lifestyle / general philosophy down to one single song, it would be "Joyful Girl" by Ani Difranco.

These lyrics, in particular, cut me to the core every single time I hear them:

"everything I do is judged
and they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
'cause the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye
and says would you prefer the easy way?
no, well okay then
don't cry"

Anyway, I had a point before I got all sentimental, and that point was that for a very long time now I've been feeling disconnected. Floating through life. Some days just barely making it through. For the past several months I've been quietly taking steps to regain some of the pieces of myself that have gone missing as the result of losing my family and also as a (necessary?) consequence of becoming a mother. I have found that balancing my own personal needs with the needs of my husband and children can be very challenging, and I spend a lot of time feeling guilty that I'm not doing enough.

So I've decided to look at this new year as an opportunity to challenge myself to live a more engaged, more conscious life. In order to accomplish that, I am going to take on a series of month long challenges that will (hopefully) last throughout the entire year. Each challenge will be designed to inspire me to think critically about some aspect of my life. I've only got ideas for 6 months so far, but I'm totally open to suggestions for the rest of the year.

Here's what I've got:

30 days of nothing: to reflect on how and why I spend money.

One month of only whole foods: to gain awareness of what we're really putting into our bodies. (this month will be coupled with the reading of Michael Pollan's books and watching Food, Inc.)

One month, one garbage bag: to focus on ways that we can eliminate needless waste and recycle more.

One month of complete immersion in "minority"* culture:
* I hate the word "minority", especially given the fact that white folks are the minority in the context of the entire planet, but I digress...
This is M's idea and I love it. Essentially I think this challenge will be about pushing the boundaries of what's "comfortable" and putting ourselves in the shoes of others. For this month, we will buy everything from groceries to gifts from businesses owned and operated by people of colour. Additionally, all of the media we watch, read or listen to will reflect cultures other than our own.

One month of daily exercise. No excuses: This one's pretty self-explanatory.

One month of buying only fair trade items: I haven't figured out the specifics of this one yet...

One final reflection before I go: I am so incredibly grateful to have found such an amazing community of women who are willing to bear their souls, provide endless inspiration, raise important conversation points, and support one another through it all. You motivate me to be a better person. Thank you all for being so incredible!

resolutions

One of the benefits of having a private blog is that, since I know exactly who's reading, I feel comfortable sharing a lot more information than I normally would. (Lucky you!)

As it's a new year (and a new decade!) I've been giving a bit of thought about what I'd like to accomplish this year. I don't necessarily call these personal goals "resolutions" but perhaps that's what they are. I do try to make them fun and slightly challenging. One year I gave up drinking all carbonated beverages. Now, aside from the (very) occasional limonata, reed's ginger brew, or whole foods italian soda, I still have no desire for pop. It's been 10 years.

Last year I committed to buying myself no new clothes. Aside from one outfit for the wedding of one of my best friends, I stuck to that. Obviously that won't last forever (I definitely need some socks and a new winter coat), but I'm thinking that from this point forward, any time I buy something new, something old has to go.

During this 30 days of nothing, I've been thinking a lot about the old maxim that one can "have anything you want, but you can't have everything you want". This has led me to think more critically about the pursuit of happiness, and what that happiness would look like for me and my family (and I firmly believe that will look different for every family). Buying the mirror was, in many ways, an affirmation of our core family values, and I think that we can use it as an anchor, or gentle reminder, of those things whenever we get too caught up in the stuff that life throws at us.

So what do I want? What does my "ideal life" look like?

Strong connections to other people:
I want to start putting more effort into maintaining friendships, and consciously engaging with my children more often. I want to continue developing traditions within our family that we can hopefully begin sharing with our friends.

Prioritizing travel: I want to explore the world. I want my kids to have the opportunity to see the world. I'd love to be able to take the whole family on service-based trips. In order to do this, I need to stop the slow drip of mindlessly spending money on non-essential items so that I can channel that money into a travel fund.

An active pursuit of personal learning and general improvement:
I want to learn Spanish, which would be helpful when I travel, but is also quickly becoming necessary in my field of work. I want to take a process-oriented art class so that I can begin to overcome my fear of the creative process. I want to continue learning to sew, take more cooking classes, and maybe learn to throw pottery. I want to establish a regular exercise routine. I want to do these things so that I don't feel stagnant.

Learning how to appreciate beautiful things without feeling the need to possess them.
This is one of the hardest things for me. I don't really have a clear understanding of *why* it's so hard, but I'll be reflecting on that and thinking about ways to overcome it.

Taking conscious steps to break our dependence on "convenience":
This includes eating more whole foods, consciously considering every single purchase we make, and phasing out (or cutting down dramatically) the use of things like paper towels and ziploc bags.

Making my house a place I actually want to be:
I love our house, but I really hate to clean, and with two small kids and a dog who sheds an unbelievable amount, it's really a challenge to keep up with keeping everything clean and organized. There are days when I look at the state of my house and feel so stressed out by it that I have to leave (which generally involves spending some money on an activity and / or meal out). I want my home to be a place of comfort and peace-- not one of stress. I'm going to try to do better at staying on top of things, but honestly, I think my state of mind would improve remarkably if I hired a cleaning service.

Anybody else have goals they'd like to share?

First Shopping Trip

I woke up this morning to this lovely message from my husband:

"I was sad to discover we have no deodorant. Perhaps that means we will all smell for the next month."

Nice.

Normally I would have run right out to replenish our supply. Today, however, I tried making my own using this recipe. Jury's still out on whether it will work. I apologize in advance if it doesn't. (On a related note, does anyone have experience with those crystal deodorant stones? Do they work?)

Today I planned to go grocery shopping. Over the weekend, I created a menu plan for the entire month of January. Using that menu plan, I made a list of all the groceries we would need. Then, last night, I went through our pantry to determine what we actually needed to make complete meals for the first week. It wasn't much.

Today, after dropping the twins off at school (yay!) I went shopping, armed with my meager list and a budget of $25. I made it through Target spending only $7.50 for 11 items (thanks to a $15 gift card I had tucked away).

At the other grocery store, I fared a bit worse: $15 for 9 items. I sort of already broke one of my rules by buying something that was on sale to "stock up". But at half off of a product we eat almost daily, I couldn't pass that deal up.

All told, I spent $22.50 and have everything I need for a week's worth of tasty homemade meals. My two biggest temptations were a $1.29 dustpan (our current one is miniature and cracked down the middle) and a $3 kitchen timer, which I can think of about a million uses for. Onto the wish list those things go.

So far, so good.

30 days of nothing: the beginning

Well, we're three days into our 30 days of nothing. I'm feeling good so far, and using this as an opportunity to recalibrate my relationship with spending money. All through the month of December, I kept a log of how much I spent, where I was, and how I was feeling. Not surprisingly, frustration led to increased spending on non-essential items.

December's kind of a jenky month to track expenditures, both because we have more money thanks to Christmas Bonuses, and because it's generally our biggest spending month. However, even considering those factors, we stand to save a heck of a lot of money this month. It's the little mindless purchases that really get me. They say that awareness is half the battle, and I can no longer feign ignorance.

I also realized that whenever a problem arises with something we use, although I do try to fix it myself (which often leads to even bigger problems... will I ever learn that I am just *not* handy?), I immediately start thinking about how much money it will cost to fix and/or replace the thing. I need to get out of that mindset and instead start brainstorming ways to live without. (Obviously this only works for certain things, and not true "needs".) Innovation is born out of necessity, so maybe this will be beneficial all around.

We've already made a few changes in how we do things. We spent most of New Years day working on reflections on 2009, goals for 2010, and creating an entirely new zero-based budget. Starting in February, we're also going to give the envelope system a try. I'm very curious to see how that goes.

I am also instituting a "want list", effective starting in February. Every time I'm out and see an item I "have to have", I need to write it on a list and wait one month before I can purchase it. The only exceptions I might make are in cases of one of a kind items that I may never be able to find again. If, after a month has passed, I still feel strongly about owning said item, then I can buy it. I'm thinking that strategy will effectively curtail impulse buying.

There are so many ways to go about this 30 days of nothing. Several of our friends are also participating, and it's really interesting to learn what they're doing and how things are going for them. For us, we've cut out all spending aside from:

Basic Groceries: I downloaded these awesome free meal planner / grocery lists and planned out our meals for the entire month. I will buy only the supplies necessary for making the meals we've chosen. We will not buy any snacks (aside from fresh fruits or vegetables) or impulse purchases, and will not stock up on any items that might be on sale (unless they are non-perishables that will be used in a subsequent week's menu). We have a budget set, but I will be trying to stay as far under that budget as possible. We will not buy any beverages aside from bottled water* (which, aside from alcohol, is all Jon and I ever drink) and soy milk for the kids.

Bills: Obviously we will continue to pay our bills, as usual. However, I will not be paying our heating bill this month. (A luxury we can afford because we always overpay and have an enormous credit...)

Subscriptions: We have kept our gym membership (although Jon cancelled his which lowered our overall bill), and though I could have frozen our Netflix account, I didn't do it in time and cannot justify stopping it after we had already paid for January.

We will not be spending any money on dining out (which is our third largest expenditure each month after our mortgage and groceries. We spend an obscene amount of money on food...), miscellaneous household items (toiletries, cleaning supplies, paper towels, toilet paper, etc.), entertainment, clothing, or other random expenses.

As for how it's going so far, we've mostly been at home these past few days. We did go to the gym yesterday, but made sure that the kids were fed beforehand. They still asked to eat at a restaurant, but were fine when we said no.

My two biggest temptations thus far were both e-mail ads: One for 50% off at a west African restaurant we've been wanting to try, and another one for 50 prints from some photo printing service for 50 cents (plus shipping).

How's everyone else doing so far?


*my phobia of tap water will not allow me to forego my dependency on $1 per gallon bottled water, but hey, everybody's got their something...

Duet

A typical scene at our house:

Haircut

Before & After

Sledding!

We took the kids sledding on New Years Eve. They absolutely loved it, and were far more independent than we expected! Jon stood at the top of the hill to help them over the iciest parts and get them set to sled down, and I waited at the bottom with the camera, ready to stop them if necessary.

They were having the time of their lives until a girl who wasn't paying attention decided to walk across the middle of the hill and clotheslined izzie with her sled. It wasn't pretty. After that traumatic experience, we decided to call it a day and head home for hot chocolate.

In the alley, we found icicles:


We did some Back Alley Icicle Observations, and then brought them inside to conduct experiments and learn about melting.

Gasp!

Maybe I shouldn't be shocked by this, but I am. I am finally doing the research to set up 529 plans for the twins (I know... I've been a bad, bad parent), and I decided to plug some numbers into an online calculator that estimates what the cost of college tuition will be in 15 years when the twins would most likely be enrolling. I used my school (a private, liberal arts college) as a starting point (as that's the most expensive option, I wanted to start there.) The result? If the calculations are correct in estimating the rising costs of college education, we will be paying upwards of $700,000 *per child* for the twins' college expenses. That's 1.5 million dollars.

Excuse me while I have a heart attack!

And, lest you think that my husband's public university education would be much cheaper, surprisingly, it isn't as big of a difference as one might think. Especially if you're paying out of state tuition.

So, I need some advice. What college savings plans do you like the best? I don't even know what I should be looking for. Help!