Three Years

Three Years ago, after spending a lovely Valentines day exploring Paris, Jon and I boarded a plane and arrived a few short hours later in Ethiopia. Later that day we would meet two little people who would change our lives.

It's hard to believe it's been three years. So much has changed. And yet, through it all, our children have maintained the same personality traits that we saw in them from the very first moment that we met.

Geremu is still a very emotional, sensitive, sweet little boy who's always looking out for everyone else. He is creative and his ability to understand systems on a big-picture scale never ceases to astound me. He is always going, moving, talking, thinking, asking questions. He still doesn't like to sleep (I think it's partially because he's always thinking.) Stillness and quiet are very, very hard for him. He builds elaborate cities, airplanes, train tracks, zoos, and structures. He is curious, silly, and absolutely hilarious.

Tsege is more outwardly reserved with her emotions, but she has a deep well. She's still the intellectual, and she still studies people with the same ferocious intensity that she did as an infant. Except now she makes comments on her observations.

We went to a gymnastics meet the other day, and Tsege watched the big girls intently, pointing out their "sharp toes" as well as breaks in their form. She is a perfectionist and holds herself to the highest possible standards. She is incredibly athletic, and practices her gymnastics skills for several hours every day. She is currently teaching herself how to do a cartwheel and a handstand. She begs me to let her watch youtube videos of gymnasts, and then uses those videos as inspiration.

Tsege also loves writing and reading and anything to do with words and sounds. She can write most letters, and is constantly trying to sound out the words she sees or hears. While we were making valentines, she sat for an hour and wrote her name about 25 times. At three she is already more principled than many adults. She is smart, sassy, and silly.

I still think a lot about attachment. I've written about it before, but it's been quite a process, and it's evolved very subtly It took months for Geremu to attach to us, and years for him to attach securely, but I'm pretty sure we're there. They've recently stopped asking whether I'm coming back for them every time I drop them off at school. I think of that as a pretty huge step.

I've also thought a lot about my evolution as a parent. I used to think that I would be a really good mom. That just hasn't been the case. I have no way of knowing how having my own mother around might have changed the way that I parent, but I know that losing her took away important pieces of me. I have often felt guilty for bringing these children across an ocean only to have a mother as imperfect as I am. They deserve so much more. Even so, we're muddling through and learning a lot along the way. And I think the twins are resilient, relatively well-adjusted kids for all that they've been through.

Here's to three years together, and many many more to come!