because the world owes me nothing, but we owe each other the world

So, in laying out all of my goals for the year, I've realized that they all center around living a more engaged, conscious, connected life. I feel like our society really makes it easy for mindless decisions to be made, which, in turn, makes it easy to just float through life with no real convictions or allegiances. For as long as I can remember, I've been a questioner, and though that often makes my life more challenging, I also feel that the rewards are far greater.

I once put together a "musical autobiography" which compiled all of the songs that encapsulated various points in my life. There were lots of songs on that list, but if I had to distill my life / lifestyle / general philosophy down to one single song, it would be "Joyful Girl" by Ani Difranco.

These lyrics, in particular, cut me to the core every single time I hear them:

"everything I do is judged
and they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
'cause the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye
and says would you prefer the easy way?
no, well okay then
don't cry"

Anyway, I had a point before I got all sentimental, and that point was that for a very long time now I've been feeling disconnected. Floating through life. Some days just barely making it through. For the past several months I've been quietly taking steps to regain some of the pieces of myself that have gone missing as the result of losing my family and also as a (necessary?) consequence of becoming a mother. I have found that balancing my own personal needs with the needs of my husband and children can be very challenging, and I spend a lot of time feeling guilty that I'm not doing enough.

So I've decided to look at this new year as an opportunity to challenge myself to live a more engaged, more conscious life. In order to accomplish that, I am going to take on a series of month long challenges that will (hopefully) last throughout the entire year. Each challenge will be designed to inspire me to think critically about some aspect of my life. I've only got ideas for 6 months so far, but I'm totally open to suggestions for the rest of the year.

Here's what I've got:

30 days of nothing: to reflect on how and why I spend money.

One month of only whole foods: to gain awareness of what we're really putting into our bodies. (this month will be coupled with the reading of Michael Pollan's books and watching Food, Inc.)

One month, one garbage bag: to focus on ways that we can eliminate needless waste and recycle more.

One month of complete immersion in "minority"* culture:
* I hate the word "minority", especially given the fact that white folks are the minority in the context of the entire planet, but I digress...
This is M's idea and I love it. Essentially I think this challenge will be about pushing the boundaries of what's "comfortable" and putting ourselves in the shoes of others. For this month, we will buy everything from groceries to gifts from businesses owned and operated by people of colour. Additionally, all of the media we watch, read or listen to will reflect cultures other than our own.

One month of daily exercise. No excuses: This one's pretty self-explanatory.

One month of buying only fair trade items: I haven't figured out the specifics of this one yet...

One final reflection before I go: I am so incredibly grateful to have found such an amazing community of women who are willing to bear their souls, provide endless inspiration, raise important conversation points, and support one another through it all. You motivate me to be a better person. Thank you all for being so incredible!